We're Only Human

Larry David has pissed some people off because of his namesake character’s latest awkward social fiasco on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Not familiar with the show? All you have to know is that episodes consist of David, co-creator of Seinfeld, muddling through an imbroglio that he has stirred up through some misunderstanding, and hilarity ensues.

In this case, David’s urine splatters approximations of tears onto a picture of Jesus. Others notice the droplets and think the image is weeping. The Week offers some different perspectives on the (non)controversy. As usual, the loudest and angriest pundits railing against David have neglected to really assess the facts, claiming David would never make fun of Jews or Muslims. Fact is, Curb Your Enthusiasm has always been equal opportunity when it comes to mocking organized religion. So, why all of the fuss?

The easy answer, unsurprisingly: the media. Once it, with its oh so many tentacles of dissemination, gets a hold on a story it doesn’t like to relent until all of the life has been squeezed out of the story. In the US, outlets like Fox News are prolific when it comes to this sort of inflation to the point of popping.

Sure, with the exception of bathrooms and choice plots of open ground, urine can be quite offensive should it land on you or your property. But David accidentally peeing on a towel that someone will inevitably dry their face with would not become international news. Yes, he’s having a laugh at the expense of religion. But on a Madonna of the Toast level the core criticism is of the human tendency to invest importance in the idea of a painting of Christ or Mary crying, or a Star of David bubbling up in oatmeal. Maybe it’s not even a criticism but more of a revealing of this tendency, and that’s what really rubbed people the wrong way.

No one wants to admit that they find meaning in a stain or wood grain but they are quick to congregate where Jesus has appeared in an oil stain or Mary in a panel of siding. Those inclined to act upon such visual manifestations don’t discern between the object and the image (and they sure don’t get into the semantics of worshipping, or belittling, an image of an image). David isn’t desecrating Jesus, but the way in which some people view not just Jesus but the whole of Christianity.

Of course, people who find the topic repulsive don’t have to watch the episode, the same as the people who ridicule the surprising appearance of an iconic form don’t have to pay it any attention. But in both cases, they(we) do, and that’s the point.

Cultural Dependence

Have you missed me? It’s been a busy few weeks. I went to Germany and even had an email account hacked. And how about the whole Balloon Boy fiasco? Richard and Mayumi Heene are awful but the media did not help the matter. Why report on real news when there’s live footage of a boy hurtling through the sky in a UFO-esque contraption, most likely on the way to his death? Veracity is secondary, it’s the story, what we think we see or want to see. Do we really want to see a tragedy involving a kid? What do you see?

In Oakdale, California, David Nunez’s father excavated a “football-sized rock” ornamented with what the two men saw as an image of the Virgin of Guadalupe, according to this Boston Herald story. Of course, “the caramel-brown and chalkboard black hunk of gneiss, a banded metamorphic rock that started out as sandstone and shale” dates back millions and millions of years. This shape was created around the same time as the Sierra Nevada Mountains, way before humans and human stories spawned. Merced College humanities professor Max Hallman gets it: "Culturally, people in India may have seen a Hindu goddess on it. If you’ve never heard of the Virgin of Guadalupe, you wouldn’t have seen it. Visions are culturally dependent.”



What then, Professor, can we deduce about the culture of Braehead, Scotland, where the purported image of Christ has been spotted on the bathroom door of an Ikea? According to this Telegraph UK report, visitors to the men’s room see Jesus and Gandolf. As such Madonna of the Toast stories go all of this is pretty standard. Here comes the curveball: the Ikea claims that the face is intentional, and meant to portray Benny Anderson of ABBA. As a spokeswoman said: “Swedishness is engrained in every part of our stores."

I love it when corporate branding and national identity mingle, especially when some late 1970s pop music joins the mix . . .

Obama, Letterman, Potatoes!

It won’t go down as one of television’s funniest moments like when Myrtle Young and her collection of pareidolia potato chips appeared on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson (Letterman makes no secret of his idol worship for Carson as the master of television tomfoolery). But President Obama’s appearance last night on The Late Show certainly caught my attention for the heart-shaped potato tossed to Letterman by a woman in the audience. Do you think Obama heard about this potato rendition of him?

The video is below and if you want to read more about Myrtle Young check out Madonna of the Toast.

Samoa: More Than A Reality Television Location

Did you know that Apia is the capital of Samoa? I didn’t, until an image of the Virgin Mary showed up there on the John Williams Building. According to these Samoa Live and News.com.au reports the image results from many years of dripping water and mold. But even with that explanation floating around as many as 500 people have gathered at one time to admire and discuss the form. And for good reason, Samoa just made a big change, a change so significant that the country prayed in unison to help the transition happen smoothly. In Samoa, they now drive on the left, like here in the United States.

Many interpret this visual manifestation as evidence that God has been looking down on the paradisal Pacific nation (though there has already been one report of a maimed pedestrian who forgot to look both ways when crossing the street). Others think the shape better resembles a bottle of Coke than the Virgin Mary.

Father Spartz Silva, Secretary of the Archbishop, had this to say: “It is creating curiosity, which is a good thing, it has triggered us to ask ourselves the basic question of who we are, and our purpose in life.”

I guess hosting a season of Survivor doesn’t count as “purpose.”

999 Is The New 666

NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter snapped some photographs recently and, surprise surprise, some folks see a robed Jesus basking on the planet’s surface. This Telegraph UK report says it all: “If looked at from the right angle – and with disbelief suspended – this photo released by NASA can appear to show the face and robed body of Christ.” On display once again the human proclivity for seeing what we want to see where we want to see it.

I couldn’t help but think of this while reading news of the half-hearted hijacking attempt by Jose Marc Flores Pereira a k a Josmar Flores. About an hour after an Aeromexico flight departed from Cancun on its way to Mexico City, Flores got the attention of the crew when he threatened to blow up the plane, brandishing a fake bomb, according to this Bloomberg report (apparently passengers had no clue what was going on until the plane landed in Mexico City and was surrounded by emergency vehicles). His demands? A visit with Mexican president Felipe Calderon to discuss a pending earthquake.

Originally from Bolivia, Flores has lived in Mexico for 17 years, has spent time in jail, was a drug addict and is a born-again Christian. According to Public Safety Minister Garcia Luna, Flores also “is a reverend . . . He said it was a divine revelation that drove him to this action.” The revelation? The date – an inverted 666, the Mark of the Beast a la the Book of Revelation.

No two people see the world the same. Some look at images from space, from places where humans have never set foot, and impose human mythology in the name of meaning; others see a calendar, isolate a single day in a certain month in a single year and see divinity.

As always, I ask: What do you see?

Be My Friend

Sometimes, these Madonna of the Toast images really grab your attention because the resemblance to an iconic face is quite striking. Other times the images are mind boggling because they resemble nothing at all, no matter how much you squint. Such is the case with this Virgin Mary agate. According to this Northland’s News Center report, Jesse Bradshaw, a devoted agate hunter, found this beauty in Northern Minnesota, though months passed before he identified the holy form.

In Bradshaw’s words: "Right here you see a face and a shadow of her eye and a nose and a mouth and a hood around her head there. . . I was kinda having a struggle and I woke up one morning and she was sitting on top of my other agates and staring me right in the face and I knew right away what it represented and I got so emotional; I just wanted to cry right away."

I see something that looks more like an extoskeletal alien. But maybe that’s just me. Bradshaw, however, is convinced that his discovery has blessed him, filling him with positive energy. Offers to purchase the agate have been made but Bradshaw won’t have any of it: “[T]he feeling it's given me is just incredible.”

For those of you keeping score at home, this is the second divine agate of the year. The first one hailed from Montana and possessed, to these well-trained eyes, a better semblance of the Mary. But hey, who am I to chide one’s happiness?

In other news, Madonna of the Toast is now on Facebook! Want to be my friend?

Kudzu Jesus

If you recall from my last post, I’m from Philadelphia. I didn’t learn of kudzu, a tenacious climbing vine, until I had friends living in Asheville, North Carolina, where the stuff runs roughshod. It should come as no surprise then that a kudzu Jesus has been discovered in Raleigh, North Carolina, visible from the Boylan Avenue Bridge, close to train tracks.

What’s really interesting about this story is how it originated on the blog Goodnight, Raleigh! and then became a news item, thanks to the North Raleigh News.

Goodnight, Raleigh! is “a look at the art, architecture, history, and people of the city at night.” John Morris, one of the blog’s regular contributors, was out on the bridge one night talking trains with friends when a pub patron ambled by and pointed out how the kudzu running along wires takes on the appearance of outstretched arms, a la the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro.



Morris writes of the form that it is “merely a coincidental growth formation on power lines, but can still be an interesting topic of conversation.”

One man’s coincidence is another man’s human interest story, however. Writing for the North Raleigh News, Josh Shaffer came at the overgrowth from a slightly different angle: “He snakes up a utility pole, forming a majestic trunk and a head seemingly bowed in prayer or agony. A pair of arms appears to spread along the wires in each direction, inviting the world into a leafy embrace.” Shaffer even discussed the topic with Pete Surrette, who happened to walk “past with ketchup-stained pants and a Ziploc bag full of toiletries.” Says Surrette: "He's got the outstretched arms and everything. I walk these tracks and never noticed it. It was just a bush to me."

Isn’t that what Moses said?

Here’s more on Surrette as reported by Shaffer:

As he muses on its resemblance to the Lamb of God, Surrette mentions that he spent nine years behind bars for attacking a man with a garden rake. If the Kudzu Jesus turned around, he could see the window of the very cell in Central Prison where Surrette served his sentence.

But the mysterious bush keeps its gaze fixed straight ahead, vine-made eyes on the path where Surrette is strolling away, offering shelter from a hard world.

If only that rake were still around, I bet Surrette could get himself a landscaping gig down there by the tracks.