Get Your Rocks Out

Dena Patterson, a resident of Brooksville, Florida, came across this rock in 1996 while walking through the woods in West Virginia, according to this Hernando Today report. Found near a stream, the rock caught her eye because of the shape worn into its surface. Recently, Patterson took the rock to Peter Harries, an associate professor of geology at the University of South Florida, Tampa. She had thought it was granite, but Harries thinks it is shale or silt stone – some sort of fine-grained sedimentary rock. He attributes the pattern to the “preferential cementation of grains, or water percolating through sediment after it has been deposited.”

Harries goes on to share that the geology department does get periodic visits from folks with objects “that they feel are particularly unique or symbolic.” His perspective, however, is more scientific than spiritual. The fact is, mimicry is a very salient aspect of nature, which of course leads to the phenomenon of pareidolia.

For years, the rock has been a doorstop in Patterson’s home, but now she wants to sell it on eBay: "I expect to get a lot of money . . . This is a rock. It's not like it's a piece of cheese.""

Of course, she is referencing fellow Floridian Diana Duyser’s epic Virgin Mary grilled cheese windfall, though I doubt Patterson will receive $28,000 for this object, especially in light of all the other Virgin Mary rocks currently up for grabs on eBay.

Like this one from Oregon:


Or this one from Canada:


Patterson is 79-years-old and says her health is declining. Her desire to make money off this rock is directly linked, as she tells it, to wanting to be able to make a trip to West Virginia to visit family before her health becomes any worse. Regardless of how much the rock sells for, if it even sells, I hope she gets the chance to make one more trip to West Virginia.

Lastly, in more news of the Virgin Mary showing up in unexpected places, the Los Angeles Times ran this slideshow recently. I can’t figure out why, but it’s just another indicator of how Madonna of the Toast is culturally relevant, in far-flung suburbs as well as in big cities.

Stone's Stone

Did you miss me? I was in Frankfurt last week for the Book Fair. More on that soon, but in the meantime how about some new news about a recognizable face showing up unexpectedly? Reported by the Danbury, Connecticut, The News-Times, we have yet another rock chiseled by geology, and perhaps lawnmowers, to intimate the face of Jesus.



Allen Stone – quite the last name for a self-declared rock collector – found this rock while doing yard work at his Ridgefield, Connecticut, home. This was about a year ago, and at the time what impressed him about the object was its feel. He stowed it away for a while but then got a digital camera, and he snapped the stone. He showed the image to a friend and she declared, “Oh, my gosh, it's Jesus Christ!”

Brigitta, Stone's wife, likes the details that reference the Christ iconography: "The wreath at the image's head, the robe and the staff.”

Another friend, after seeing the object, asked Stone to drive the rock to a Greek Orthodox priest in New Rochelle, New York, for examination but in Stone’s words, "that's quite a distance to go." Steve’s skepticism isn’t surprising for a rock lover: "A lot of people believe in these things . . . Do I? I don't know. But I think this is interesting. This is a rock -- made by nature. It is unique and notable." Plate tectonics do outdate the Bible after all.



The article goes on to gloss the history of these phenomena, from Leonardo da Vinci to Stewart Guthrie’s Faces in the Clouds, to the Chocolate Virgin Mary and Grilled Cheese Madonna (both of which appear in Madonna of the Toast).

Even when I go away, the faces and forms keep manifesting, the media never tires of these true human-interest stories and that’s what makes them worth examining time and again.

More anon . . .

Jesus, George Washington and a Meteorite!

Okay, I couldn’t resist a quick post, because it’s not every day, even in these parts, where I can mention Jesus, George Washington and a meteorite in one fell swoop.



What you see here is a rock, a “two faced rock,” according to this KVOA report. Rae Oliver was walking along the Santa Cruz River in Tucson, Arizona, when she found this rock, which to her looked like Jesus. As she examined it in more detail, she discovered the stately countenance of George Washington, as in the first president of the United States. Like so many of the examples here in Madonna of the Toast land, it only takes a specific visual cue in order for viewers to make these associations. Jesus has some facial hair, perhaps a gaunt face; the Virgin Mary wears a robe that bells out at the bottom. I guess if American history has taught us anything is that statesmen of the era wore wigs. (Although this Mount Vernon website debunks several George Washington myths, including one about him wearing a wig: “Even though wigs were fashionable, Washington kept his own hair, which he wore long and tied in a pony tail or queue in the back. He did powder his hair, which was the custom of the day.” I don’t think Rae is too concerned about Washington’s hair, though she is happy to have found the rock: “She says it’s a gift from God coming just in time for Christmas.”



From the terrestrial to the extraterrestrial: according to this NBC 5 report, the object above is a meteorite with the face of Jesus on it. About one year ago, Terrance Cotton was out in his yard in Abilene, Texas, when he wished on what he thought was a falling star. The star turned out to be a meteorite, which crashed in his yard. In Cotton’s words: “I heard a voice, and it said, ‘Look and see if you can see a face’ . . . And I looked, and I saw an image of Jesus Christ.” Scientists have confirmed that the object is indeed a meteorite. Apparently, people have offered Cotton thousands of dollars for it, but he is content to keep it and let people check it out (which is why I guess it made news this past week).



This is a very difficult Jesus to see, even with all of His features identified, but no matter, because Cotton is more at peace with the world, and the world can use all of the peace it can get!

I'm Not the Only One Thinking About This Stuff

Straight out of Stockton, California: a Virgin of Guadalupe rock. Jamie Garcia had hit rock bottom (get it?), having lost his family because of his excessive drinking. While working construction, according to this CBS 13 report, Garcia found the rock pictured above and immediately felt that his life had changed. He quit his vices and grew closer with his wife and kids. Garcia believes the image to be that of the Virgin of Guadalupe with Juan Diego looking up at Her. Garcia goes on to say that he has been offered $80,000 for the rock, “but he refused, saying it’s priceless.” That’s something you say when you’re offered $100 for one of grandma’s old baubles, or you're mimicking one of those credit card commercials. If the story is true I guess credit (I'm on fire today with the wordplay, no?) has to be given to Garcia for not selling out.

If you’re a regular in these parts and have already read and re-read Madonna of the Toast you might be interested in this tongue-in-cheek perspective from the Contra Costa Times, which riffs on a Jesus ultrasound (different from the one I mentioned last post). Here’s an excerpt:

As I have two biological children, according to the last time I counted, I have some experience in trying to decipher ultrasound images. It's not easy. One minute you think you're looking at a little thumb, the next the doctor tells you that thumb is really a spleen. I once thought my daughter's ultrasound actually showed a squadron of Russian fighter planes attacking Dublin and tried to call the authorities. You just never know — it could happen.

Though seeing Jesus in there could be just as startling. I'm sure Mary and Joseph had the same reaction when they got their first three-dimensional ultrasound at Bethlehem Ultrasound and Donkey Feed.

Until next time . . .

The Nixon Rock

I’ve been waiting for an excuse to drag out this Presidential pareidolia: the Nixon rock. What’s my excuse? All of the publishing hoopla surrounding Rick Perlstein’s new book Nixonland: The Rise of a President and the Fracturing of America. You can read an excerpt from the book here. I haven’t read the book, and it’s a pretty safe bet that I won’t read it, especially since the topic strikes me as one that has already been put through its paces. I don’t understand what makes for a best-selling book (it is certainly about much more than the actual writing), the same as I don’t understand what causes certain people to see iconic forms and figures in unexpected places. Both phenomena seem to rely on a convergence of circumstances that is not always logical or traceable, but herein lie the mysteries of life.



Located on the southern tip of Taiwan near the town of O Luanpi, it has long been thought that this rock resembles a sail. Many people also think it resembles Richard Nixon, in profile. Of course, Nixon’s mug is one of history’s most maligned – its craggy definition found in the nose and chin. Local lore claims that after Nixon made his 1972 trip to China his head was cut off and put in this spot, destined to stare at China forever.

Madonna of the Toast includes an examination of the President Kennedy rock in Hawaii. I have been searching, in vain I fear, for the Calvin Coolidge cashew, from which protrudes a node that is the spitting image of Coolidge’s nose, one of the largest to ever reside in the White House.

Another Rock

I’ve pulled rocks and stones out of various bodies of water. It is a very summer activity, a good way to avoid heat and swarming skeeters. Last week we learned about the Elvis rock collected in Colorado, and now this week, from Lexington County in South Carolina, news of a Virgin Mary rock. According to WLTX in Columbia, South Carolina, Linda Owens found this rock during her vacation. According to the report, Owens spotted a face and it was other gawkers that saw Mary. Owens claims that “the USC archeology department says it's not painted on, it's just nature.” A transcendentalist would be proud!

Rock 'N Elvis

That woman in mid-leap is LaDell Alexander, at her summer home in Estes Park, Colorado. She’s jumping for joy because the stone in the foreground of the photograph bears the likeness of Elvis Presley’s face. The famous face revealed itself to Alexander as she rinsed off this 23-pound piece of granite after her and her husband Lynn had hauled it out of a river and to their house. As reported by the Rocky Mountain News, “Scrubbing away at the grime covering one of the rocks, she found something that left her all shook up.”



The stone’s shading certainly delineates a dark patch that resembles Elvis’s legendary head of hair, and while seven out of ten people see The King, others have spotted George Washington, or “a French aristocrat with sideburns, like Louis XV.”

The Alexanders are banking on some deep-pocketed eBay bidder to see Elvis, however, as the stone will be put up for auction on August 10, six days prior to the 30th anniversary of Elvis’s death.

The Alexanders hope their igneous rock can fetch a sum somewhere in the ballpark of Diana Duyser's Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese. While there certainly are some zealous Elvis fans out there, I wonder how many of them would fork over $28,000? The good news is, we’ll know soon enough, and no matter how much the rock sells for, the money will go to one of Presley’s charities.

Deep in the Heart of Texas

When Irma Vega's husband came home from work the other day, he was bearing a gift. The shape of the Virgin of Guadalupe was noticed by the man after he unearthed this rock at a construction site in San Antonio, Texas. Irma recognized the shape, too. As did the priest who blessed the rock. The Vegas feel lucky, and have created a shrine. In this report from WOAI, their home address is made available, so you can go visit the rock!

Before I started working on Madonna of the Toast, I had written a short story called "Flint Ford." Because I have long been interested in notions of meaning, its origination, dissemination and import, I incorporated the Virgin of Guadalupe into the piece, which is set in Texas. I had been in touch with Drew Burk, editor of Spork, and he ended up publishing the story on the website in two installments. Go here to read the portion about the Virgin. Go here if you want to read the story from the beginning. A slightly edited version of "Flint Ford" will appear in a forthcoming print edition of Spork.

UK Representing!

That’s a rock in a Welsh garden. The owner’s niece was out playing and came into the house to ask who the man in the garden was. The girl’s aunt didn’t see a man, but she did see the face of Elvis Presley on the slab of slate. This story comes from icWales.co.uk, and even goes so far as to link Elvis to this area in Wales. But first, the rock.

The owner has asked to remain anonymous, concerned that swarms of fans would otherwise descend on her property, disrupting the bucolic tranquility. Apparently, she has already been offered close to $2,000 for the rock, but even though she is not a big fan of Elvis’s music, she has become attached to the iconic visual manifestation.

Bought as an ornament, the owner of the stone says that the image was not there at first. It took six months for the face to appear. In her words: “We left it alone, imagining it would disappear as quickly as it had come, but that hasn’t happened. It’s still there.”

According to the article, a whole body of academic research already exists linking Elvis’s familial lineage to this western portion of Wales that sits in the shadows of the . . . Preseli mountains! Apparently Druids used rocks from this area for Stonehenge.

Here’s what the article says:

Cardiff academic Terry Breverton claimed in 2000 to have new evidence that Elvis’ ancestors came from Wales, citing the link between the names Presley and Preseli.

Supporting his theory was the legend of St Elvis of Munster, who apparently baptised St David. Mr Breverton claimed the Presley family could well have had links with a Pembrokeshire chapel dedicated to St Elvis, the only one known in Britain.

And he pointed to the Welsh names of Elvis’ mother Gladys, his stillborn brother, Jesse Garon and his grandmother Doll Mansell, who may be descended from the famous Mansel family of Gower.

So, has Elvis returned to his roots? Think he’s thirsty for a Jesus cider?



The Daily Mail reports that Michael Cartwright, a taxi driver from Darlington, was at Tanners Hall, his local pub, with some mates when the “barmaid” brought the group’s drinks to the table. As soon as she popped the top off Cartwright’s bottle, the face of Jesus puckered up in the foil. His buddies saw it, too. And the barmaid must have as well, as she cleared the bottles, leaving Cartwright with nothing more than memories and a tummy full of cider.

Bully for you United Kingdom! I downed many pints of lager in London a few weeks ago, but I didn’t see Jesus, Elvis or many barmaids. In Madonna of the Toast, there are several stories from the UK, including an Oscar fish from Allah, a Michelin Man carrot and the face of Rasputin in a cat’s ear. You’ll have to buy the book to see those!

The Value of Worth

I went to eBay to learn the status of the Elvis rock pulled out of a Colorado river not too long ago. Supposedly, the rock was going to be auctioned off on August 10, to commemorate the 30th anniversary of the King’s death. Believe it or not, I have never bought or sold anything on eBay, so I admit my rookie status, but I couldn’t find the Elvis rock. Since I was in the virtual auction house’s neighborhood, however, I decided to have a look around.

For you die-hard readers, you’ll remember my post about Deb Serio’s Jesus stain on her garage floor. Turns out someone bought the slab of concrete for $1,525.69, and now the item has been reposted. According to the auction page: “This auction is a partnership between the buyer (islandoffthecoast) and Deb Serio (nattysmom).” Together, the two of them form jesuspartners and they have started the bidding at $1,500, and you don’t even have to pay for the concrete to but cut out of the floor!



Of course, this is not the only opportunity on eBay to buy a seemingly mundane object made into something holy or distinct by a form that resembles Christ or Mary. Check out Jesus in this 400 million-year-old fossil, or here He is again in this burl wood a la Shroud of Turin, according to the seller. (Looks more like a Dr. Seuss character to me, but I looked at dirt on a watermelon and thought of William Blake. What do I know?) When you look at all of these auctions, however, none of them have any bids, including the new garage-floor stain.



Seems to me that value is not so much appraised by the accuracy of the visual manifestation or the source of the item, but rather how lathered up the press gets over it. The major selling point with the concrete slab is how many media hits the image received, and how many radio interviews Serio did (“over 17”). These other items, as far as I know, have never received any press coverage, and so they wallow away in obscurity. Nothing lost, but certainly nothing gained.



I imagine that will be the case with this eggplant. Preparing a Sunday supper of fried eggplant, Felicia Teske of Boothwyn, Pennsylvania, spotted the word “God” in this nightshade’s seeds. According to this WPVI report, Teske and her husband are contemplating selling the object, though I doubt the eggplant will keep for long enough to attract more press, unless it possesses some divine power of preservation like Diana Duyser’s Virgin Mary grilled cheese, which has not rotted after over a decade.

Lasting power, that’s the name of the game in this world, I suppose. Many of the events I blog about here don’t have much of it, they surface one day, get emailed around a bit and are then forgotten. But the media should not be the only determining factor. The same as it is the individual that first makes the discovery, happens to see the wood grain in the right light, it is the individual who can use these objects as points of entry into greater cultural issues. That’s what was so fun about writing Madonna of the Toast. I was able to track stories that, in certain cases, span decades, and that alone makes these happenings worthwhile, no matter what you do or don’t see.

15 Minutes of Fame is Not Worth $50,000

LaDell Alexander’s 23-pound river rock naturally colored in a way that resembles the face of Elvis did not attract a single bid on eBay. According to this Rocky Mountain News article about the failed sale, Alexander attributes it to the glut of Elvis memorabilia available on eBay these days because of the recent 30th anniversary of the King’s death. Maybe that’s it, or maybe it has something to do with the asking price: $50,000! Alexander and her husband later lowered the price to $20,000 but that didn’t help. The Alexanders came up with the substantial sum through sound reasoning, based on the intricacies of the collectibles market. Said Alexander, “They paid $28,000 for that cheese sandwich (which carried an image of the Virgin Mary), and I thought 'Hey, this was a big rock.’” In hindsight, however, LaDell and her husband enjoyed their fifteen minutes of fame, and feel lucky to have even gotten that much attention for their Elvis rock. Andy Warhol would be proud.

And speaking of fifteen minutes of fame, here are a couple more recent visual manifestations of religious icons.



In Manchester, Connecticut, Malynda and Eric Smith credit their daughter for having spotted God on a kitchen cabinet. The kid needs to brush up on her iconography, but I guess that’s what parents are for, because Malynda took a look and saw Jesus, God’s son. According to this report, the family has only lived in this home for about a year, and this is the first time anyone has noticed the recognizable form. Unlike others who encounter such objects, the Smiths will not be trying to sell the cabinet as they consider such action bad luck.



And from the east coast to California’s southern climes, National City to be exact, we have Our Lady of Guadalupe on this turtle-shell necklace. The Union Tribune reported that 73-year-old Jackie Seiler spotted the form after trying to sell the necklace. She didn’t get that sale, but later that day she made a $1,000 sale, an all-time high for her store. Since the discovery of this form of faith, sales have been on the rise. Seiler plans to consult her local priest. He or she may suggest that Seiler gets her eyes checked, as this one is a real stretch.

Of course, no one has ever said that fame is fair.

There's Always More on the Inside

Straight out of Kansas City, Missouri, we have this Virgin Mary rock. According to this KMBC 9 report, rock collector and jewelry maker Randy O’Kane found this stone while canoeing on an unnamed Missouri river. It was only upon splitting the stone that O’Kane discovered this recognizable form. Probably too big and heavy to make into a necklace, the stone may be on its way to eBay.

This is the first time that "The Show Me State" has come into play here in Madonna of the Toast land – although what had to be shown was hidden.

No word about what attracted O’Kane to the stone in the first place.

Cultural Dependence

Have you missed me? It’s been a busy few weeks. I went to Germany and even had an email account hacked. And how about the whole Balloon Boy fiasco? Richard and Mayumi Heene are awful but the media did not help the matter. Why report on real news when there’s live footage of a boy hurtling through the sky in a UFO-esque contraption, most likely on the way to his death? Veracity is secondary, it’s the story, what we think we see or want to see. Do we really want to see a tragedy involving a kid? What do you see?

In Oakdale, California, David Nunez’s father excavated a “football-sized rock” ornamented with what the two men saw as an image of the Virgin of Guadalupe, according to this Boston Herald story. Of course, “the caramel-brown and chalkboard black hunk of gneiss, a banded metamorphic rock that started out as sandstone and shale” dates back millions and millions of years. This shape was created around the same time as the Sierra Nevada Mountains, way before humans and human stories spawned. Merced College humanities professor Max Hallman gets it: "Culturally, people in India may have seen a Hindu goddess on it. If you’ve never heard of the Virgin of Guadalupe, you wouldn’t have seen it. Visions are culturally dependent.”



What then, Professor, can we deduce about the culture of Braehead, Scotland, where the purported image of Christ has been spotted on the bathroom door of an Ikea? According to this Telegraph UK report, visitors to the men’s room see Jesus and Gandolf. As such Madonna of the Toast stories go all of this is pretty standard. Here comes the curveball: the Ikea claims that the face is intentional, and meant to portray Benny Anderson of ABBA. As a spokeswoman said: “Swedishness is engrained in every part of our stores."

I love it when corporate branding and national identity mingle, especially when some late 1970s pop music joins the mix . . .

Kuckuck

According to this Bremerton Patriot report, Allen Kuckuck of Poulsbo, Washington, bought a handful of “novelty rocks” before Christmas and when he got them home and examined them “one rock spun around, revealing a new perspective on the crisscross pattern of its surface . . . depicting Jesus toting a cross on his back.”

Sure, the photograph doesn’t reveal much, if anything, about the image, but haven’t we learned after all of these visual manifestations that the actual image is less important than the story created around it?

In the story, Kuckuck jokes about selling the rock on eBay, though he doesn’t own a computer: “I’m going to sell it if I can get $20 million.” Kuckuck identifies himself as religious, and as a painter, so he has an eye for these things, and apparently a decent sense of humor about them.



How about the surname? I’m pretty sure it is of German heritage. Some Googling around also suggests that it is what Germans call the bird cuculus canorus, otherwise known as the cuckoo. What a great onomatopoeia! Apparently, the kuckucks that migrate to Germany have the bad reputation of laying eggs in preexisting nests. The female will lay her egg, eat one of the eggs already in the nest and then fly off, leaving her egg to be cared for by the other female bird. I discovered this tidbit here, but be warned, the writer uses this example of nature’s ways to present a screed on human morality. Kuckuck, kuckuck, kuckuck.

Myth Makers

I saw this Virgin Mary image during a recent trip to Colorado and Utah, where the dramatic and ancient landscapes hold many forms and faces. But, of course, what I recognize as a visual manifestation of a religious or secular icon in stone has existed since well before humans and religions. In many of the Madonna of the Toast stories, people see Jesus or the Virgin Mary in a tree or rock, but in the shadow of such grandeur of places like Natural Bridges, Valley of the Gods and Canyonlands I couldn’t help but ponder myth and how it is made visual, and recognizable.

Along with the spires of red rock stacked like totem poles (replete with human-esque faces) and towering canyon walls that reveal millions of years worth of geological history, screaming with Edvard Munch faces, myth cannot be ignored when you also consider the abundance of the region’s petroglyphs and pictographs, most of which were left by the Anasazi (a Navajo word meaning “ancient ones”). I first learned of the Anasazi years ago when I met photographer Nathan Troi Anderson, a very good friend of mine and the impetus for this trip. I had seen his photographs of these symbols, but had never had the chance to look at them in situ. While I’m no expert on the Anasazi, or the American Southwest for that matter, it wasn’t hard for me to put the two subjects within a Madonna of the Toast context.



The exact meanings of these ancient symbols are difficult to define, especially since the Anasazi more or less disappeared, leaving little more than these markings, some structures and various artifacts. But standing in these stunning canyons, looking at the natural contours of stone weathered by time, it is clear that the manmade images respond directly to these natural environments, for it is all these people knew. It was through their interactions with the land, the sky and the seasons that the meaning of life took shape. The shape of these meanings, whatever they might be, are seen in lightning bolt lines, dizzying circles and majestic shaman forms. This is the stuff of myth.

When I saw the Virgin Mary shape in Utah, it was myth speaking to me, though in this case the myth is not as old as the form. For its relative youth, on a geological scale as well as human scale, Christian mythology, particularly that of the Virgin Mary, has proliferated over time. When you consider that Mary is mentioned only 19 times in the Bible (she is mentioned 34 times in the Qu’ran) her popularity is astounding. What do we make of this?

No matter when they came into being or where they were located, all human cultures have their own creation stories in which a mother figure plays a central role. With the Anasazi, as one example, feminine forms are not hard to discern in the petroglyphs and pictographs. Their importance is also bolstered by the belief that the Anasazi held their most sacred ceremonies in manmade ritual caves, or kivas. These areas were built underground so participants would have to go down into them and then later emerge, much like a child exiting the womb.



From both the literal and figurative perspectives, the Christ story also possesses this maternal quality, which was recognized and elaborated as Christianity spread. In fact, Western interest in Mary did not flourish until the 12th century, though the power of her myth was recognized all along. According to this Maclean's article, “when nascent Christianity spread to Egypt and encountered the cult of Isis, mother of the god Horus, Mary’s status began to rise even higher. Isis was a powerful and kind-hearted deity, attributes Mary soon acquired.”

The article is essentially a review of Miri Rubin’s Mother of God: A History of the Virgin Mary, which apparently identifies the real power of the Mary myth:

[T]ension—poised between virgin and mother, human and divine—is the source of her endless variety of portrayals, all gracefully traced by Rubin, from the young, sometimes playful, virgin girl to the grief-stricken and empathetic mother at Calvary. The need to ground Mary explains why she did die, as befits a mortal, but was raised bodily to heaven, as befits the mother of God . . . But there was a Mary for everyone, not just motherless clerics, in the flowering of medieval Mariology. For every image of a heavenly queen commissioned by wealthy art patrons, there was a story of the humble carpenter’s wife, particularly gracious to the poor and those who suffered.



This dovetails perfectly with the Madonna of the Toast mantra: What do you see? Throughout time, whether in the form of ancient inscriptions or Biblical stories, the visual manifestations of mythic iconic forms have endured the tests of time because they can represent a range of meanings, depending on the viewers. And while interpretations of the images may vary, they all demonstrate the human need for asserting our presence in this mysterious world where answers are nowhere near as important as interpretations.

A Sign From Above, On the Floor

Credit for the title of this post goes to WSET 13 in Virginia, which reported this Jesus face on July 30. Found in Forest, Virginia, on a concrete garage floor, high school teacher Deb Serio is now auctioning the face on eBay.

In her words:

This image of Jesus appeared on our garage floor here in Forest, VA. I took a picture of it and showed it to several people, including all of my high school students, and they agree – it is an image of Him. I have lived with this image for about a year. I have decided to sell this portion of the concrete floor. The price of the auction MUST cover the excavation of the floor or the auction is considered CANCELED. It can be cut out, but I am not sure how to do it so I have to call in a professional. This image became known to us after we moved a 5 gallon can of driveway sealant. It does not change, cry, or manifest itself in any other way. It is an uncanny icon of Christ.

What I like most about this description is the disclaimer that the image does not “change, cry, or manifest in any other way.” Serio is certainly being straightforward about what the winner of the auction receives, aside from a bill from some contractor for excavating a concrete slab with a stain that looks like Jesus.

I find it amazing that someone would have to be explicit about one of these religious manifestations being nothing more than the semblance of a face. But, like Diana Duyser, whose $28,000 eBay windfall inspired Serio to sell the face (that auction also changed how eBay behaves), these events and their disclaimers prove how entrenched these phenomena are in our cultural fabric. Converted into bizarre commodities, replete with the legalese of liability, these objects are commonplace. Just look at how frequently I blog about them. Or, get yourself a copy of Madonna of the Toast. It’s cheaper than buying this Jesus face, which as of this afternoon, has attracted a high bid of $157.50.

It will be interesting to find out what item fetches more, this face or the Elvis rock, which will be up for grabs on August 10.

A Russian Face and a Face from Russia

A great reading at KGB last night. I’ve read there before, and it is always a crowd that has come to listen, and engage. With Steve Ettlinger and William Bryant Logan also on the bill, the three of us fielded questions and doubtless turned a few new people onto our respective books. Also very cool to read the chapter from Madonna of the Toast about V.I. Lenin’s face appearing on a shower curtain, since the bar is always decked out with old communist propaganda, including a bust of the Bolshevik.



And imagine my surprise upon finding this Jesus face from Russia as I was making the research rounds today. While it is not too difficult to see the eyes and nose, I’m not sure how this rock has been decreed holy. Also interesting is the fact that these occurrences are usually interpreted as auspicious, but in the article from Interfax, the face is described as “wrathful.” Local Orthodox clergy link the visitation to three tragedies: “the mine accident near Novokuznetsk, the air crash in Samara, and the fire in the house for the elderly in the village of Kamyshevskaya.”

I don’t know enough about Christianity and how it is practiced differently all over the world, but I’d bet that the folks whom take this visitation as a warning have very different views about their faith than the folks outside of Chicago flocking to this Jesus tree.



This story is short, sweet and, dare I say, typical, when it comes to such events. I guess the crucifixion form comes through better at night, thanks to the help of a streetlight.

Unlike Twinkies, these events can be found all over the world, saying plenty about what binds us all together, and also makes us all so very different.

A Stony Jesus

"I ain't no rock scientist, but call Dr. Dre ...” So uttered Erik "Smoke" Jones. According to this Contra Costa Times article, Jones discovered the face of Jesus on this stone, one of many that comprises the counter at the store Cali Style in Redlands, California. Jones told his boss Jonathan Hernandez about the discovery, and presumably Hernandez told the media. The counter has been in the shop for years, but Jones only noticed the image a couple of months ago.

The writer reports that from different angles the face better resembles Che Guevara or just a black splotch. Whatever it is you see, however, Jones adamantly denies having painted the stone, and while neither a geologist nor Dr. Dre were consulted, the reporter does make it a point to say that the form seems to be a natural occurrence.

According to the article, “the image is viewed more as a curiosity than a sign of divine presence.” In fact, Hernandez hopes the visual manifestation doesn’t attract too many of the devout. I guess lots of folks praying and lighting candles could interfere with the business, and if really large groups began to congregate they could also get in the way of Hernandez’s business next door: THC Smoke Shop. Makes for a new interpretation of this phrase from the article: “stony store counter.”

Without incriminating myself too much, I can say that several years of living in California did prove to me that the state’s pot culture is something truly um, err, uhh . . .

An eBay Excursion

Underprivileged kids being denied healthcare, rogue private armies, presidential fund raising: while it isn’t fair to say it’s been a slow news week, I can say that it has been a slow week for stories about the visual manifestations of religious and secular icons. Of course, if you REALLY want to read about these phenomena, you can buy Madonna of the Toast, or sift through this blog. In an effort to keep content as lively as possible around here, however, I am going to start dredging the eBay aisles (with the hope that such scouring can uncover enough material to merit a regular series about my findings). Think of it like the old If a tree falls in the woods quandary, except this one is: If the media doesn’t report it, does it really happen?

So, for the inaugural installment of eBay happenings, I share with you the following:



Wine seeped out of this 1967 pinot noir and left this stain on the crate. According to the seller’s explanation, “the wine should have turned to vinegar, however, the wine in this particular bottle has a very pleasant aroma.” We’ll never know though, because the item being sold is the photo collage of the stain, its crate and the bottle from whence the wine came. Want one? Better get bidding before October 11.



In 1977, 6-year-old Richard Graham found this rock along the banks of the Snoqualmie River in Washington, the state. Emblazoned on it, the image of Mary, holding Jesus. This item actually has a few bids.



And finally, the most difficult to see, and afford, a crucified-Jesus image in this door’s wood grain. The seller, asking $7,000 for the door, will give a portion of the sale to charity. The door is in the seller’s home, where she has been living for 7 years (and the house number is 7) although she only just noticed the image about one year ago. From the text that accompanies this item: “Salvation is a gift- believing is a choice... worldy goods are temporary-salvation is eternal-- choose wisely.” “Worldy” goods (“Worldly” for those of us with a dictionary) may be temporary, but is $7,000?

Hope you enjoyed this eBay excursion. Like beauty, matters of faith are in the eyes of the beholder, even (and perhaps especially) if it avoids the media gaze.

The Many Hands of God

Here’s a new one: an attempt to sell a rockslide rendered Hand of God on eBay.



The term “Hand of God” can have very different meanings. Michelangelo’s version from the Sistine Chapel’s “Creation of Adam” is without a doubt the most famous.



But, if you know more about World Cup soccer than art history, Diego Maradona’s infamous “Hand of God goal” from the 1986 Argentina/England World Cup Quarter-Final match probably comes to mind. One of the sport’s most lauded athletes scored two goals on that day, one that he hit in with his hand but was never penalized for, the other a result of Maradona dribbling around 6 British players to score what has since been dubbed “Goal of the Century.” (Argentina won the game, and the World Cup that year.)



If you know about symbolism in antiquity and world religions, “Hand of God” signifies khamsa, or hamsa. The five-fingered figure is believed to have Phoenician origins though it is most commonly associated with Judaism and Islam. Not only do our hands have five fingers, but the Jewish Torah comprises the first five books of the Bible and Islam has its Five Pillars.



According to this CNN report, if you ask Paul Grayhek what the Hand of God looks like, he’ll show you the photograph above, and then try to sell it to you. The Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, resident lost his job and during Lent had been praying. Then on March 8 within a stone’s throw of his home the rocks tumbled, leaving this form, which is about nine feet tall and four feet wide.

Excavating this mass would be expensive, but no worries, you aren’t getting anything material. Says the report: “The buyer will ‘basically be buying the rights, complete and exclusive rights’ to the rock, including literary and movie rights, according to Grayhek.”

He goes on to say: “People think I'm some holier-than-thou person trying to get rich. I'm not . . . The purpose is to spread the story of God and eBay is just a vehicle.”

Well, in this instance eBay is a bit of a jalopy because as of writing this post the item has been removed. Maybe God thought there were better ways to spread His story. Or maybe God’s agent got in touch with Grayhek and explained that literary and movie rights to all rocks and stones have already been sold . . .